Meet The Simm

 

I want to write about John Simm. Because he's lovely. I've followed his work for a while. I watched Sex Traffic, preferable to Human Traffic. He delivered a fantastic, loyal and honest performance in Crime and Punishment, and I enjoyed him in what I initially thought was the rather naff, Life on Mars. It's the honesty and the sensitivity he brings to many of his characters. Maybe the fact that he looks like an intellectual young offender may have something to do with it, but he's kind of gorgeous in a platonic way. I don't want to weird anyone out, and it certainly isn't my intention, but in an alternative universe, maybe a bit like the one in Life on Mars/Ashes To Ashes, I reckon John and I would have been great mates. I'm sure one of our exchanges would have been something like:

JOHN. Alright Smirnov, mate? What you been up to?

SMIRNOV. So-so. Just been to the breaker's yard, see if they have any trim for the wheel arch. You?

JOHN. My head's pretty mashed. Been reading plays all week. What you doing tonight?

SMIRNOV. I'm skint. Would have been nice to have my tea at Varsity...I can't tap you for twenty quid, can I?

JOHN. Sorry mate, I'm strapped meself. Keepin' my fingers crossed that I get the Hamlet gig.

SMIRNOV. I loved you in 'Life on Mars'

JOHN. ?...

I know. It's pretty pointless and daft having a friend who's a famous actor just to tap him for cash and say how great he was in Life On Mars.  I'm sure he would make the ubiquitos SIMS computer game franchise more exciting if all the characters were clones of him. But this old idea of mine must have been used for his role as The Master in Doctor Who, a performance I wasn't greatly keen on, mainly due to the poor writing. It's a shame that Kieslowski died before he discovered John Simm. He would have made a fetching existential Polish character. Um...that's all.