Bacon and Egg barm

Right. Eventually.

I've just spent about ten minutes trying to find an appetising picture of a bacon and egg barm. The above pic is the best I could find. It'll have to do for now untill I take my own pic. Sorry. All the other pictures I've seen on google images are just not right. They either feature toasted sandwiches, brown bread, bacon rind, or have the wrong ingredients.

So this post is about bacon and egg barm. Forget all the so called perfect ways to make the (sigh) 'perfect' bacon and egg barm like this Perfect bacon sandwich according to someone who has it wrong (who suggests you use thin bacon rashers), read what I say, take it in and try it out. It's simple.

BREAD.
Use a barm cake. Even though it's still a barm cake, they might be known as muffins or rolls where you come from. But they're not, they're called barm cakes. You need something fresh, soft and thick, but not too dry and doughy. It's pointless telling you what brand to buy because they might not stock it where you live. So use a white barm cake you can trust and enjoy. Don't be tempted to use crappy things with grain in them, or brown barm cakes. No point. You don't want to be distracted by getting the bits of crap in your teeth. Now, butter...

BUTTER/MARG
No point being too precious about fat and sugar content. You're having a bacon and egg barm cake for christ's sake! I'd suggest you use butter. Organic or otherwise, doesn't matter, but make sure it's not been in the fridge too long. You don't want to graze the bread when you're liberally spreading the butter. So, barm cake, buttered, and pressumably the bacon and eggs are cooking, but what eggs and bacon will you need?

BACON
Get thick cut. I know crispy bacon tastes gorgeous but on a sandwich, especially soft bread, the texture when you sink your teeth into it, only to be met by something brittle and frazzled is really unpleasant, no matter what the taste. You are still able to get the thick cut rasher a crispy tinge, whilst the flesh is cooked and tender. Then when you bite into it, you have more consistency. Best get thick cut, smoked or unsmoked, doesn't matter. Get a couple of rashers from the local butchers. Won't cost you much. I'll tell you how to cook it soon.

EGGS
Get them free range, medium sized, chicken eggs. That's all. No rocket science involved here.

SAUCE
HP Brown sauce or Chop Sauce, more tangy or spicy or Daddies brown sauce. Any of those will do.

HOW TO COOK IT.
Once the barm and butter have been prepared, you can slide your bacon rashers, either under the grill or place on a George Forman grill. Cook till the rind is developing a crispy crust. Takes about five minutes under the GF grill, about 8-10 mins under a standard grill.

While the bacon is sizzling, crack one or two eggs, preferably just one egg in a frying pan. In a perfect world you will own a Tefal frying pan. But it doesn't matter if you don't, it'll still fry, won't it? Make sure the yolk is facing upwards and the egg has been cracked properly, so it looks how a fried egg should look. If you haven't cracked it properly, the egg white will run everywhere. If this happens, try again with a new egg. Make sure also that the frying pan is clean or the whites will have burnt, charred bits everywhere. Not very nice. So clean your frying pan regularly. Cook the egg properly, flicking some of the cooking oil over the yolk to make it have a pink tinge. I've thought about how else I might describe it but I can't. You know what I mean. Don't be tempted to break the egg up or any of that crap, it's a friend egg not a scrambled egg. It needs to be intact. Now, because you don't want your egg yolk running everywhere when you sink your teeth into the sandwich, you have to carefully flip the egg over so you can seal the yolk, and cook it to the extent that it will be less runny.

Right once done the egg will be the second thing you place onto the buttered barm, not before dabbing it lightly with kitchen roll. There will be a bed of bacon, hopefully, already blotted by the kitchen roll, with a pinch of salt and brown sauce on the top, waiting.

That's it really. Sorry if I was flippant.