ISSEY MIYAKE AFTERSHAVE £34.99 FROM JOHN LEWIS

I'm not really a conissuer or a regular wearer of aftershave but when I received this for Christmas I made good use of it. It was far more subtle than the aftershaves I've tested. With its sweet, fruity, fragrance once imatured on the skin, this colonge heightens my skin when combined with shaving with my Mach 3 razors and King of Shaves oil. I like to smell good. The other grooming products I use are the L'Oreal series of 24 hour Hydra balm and various face washes. Believe it or not I'm not as shallow as I sound. I find horrid smells offensive and invasive. It's a form of pollution.

FRAY BENTOS STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE £1.79 FROM TESCOS

A simple treat I allow myself every now and again. It's not just the light and fluffy pastry, or the gravy or even the fact that it's not necessarily the best pie I've ever devoured, but its interaction with a plate of chips, the way you can serve it from the hot tin with a big spooon and top up your meal. In short, it's a simple and different experience from Holland's steak and kidney pies, where the pastry can be too crispy if not cooked at the right temperature for the right amount of time.

NINTENDO DS LITE £109.00 FROM GAME

I paid a bit more for this because it came with a Sonic The Hedgehog game, 'Sonic Rush'. I'm not really one for playing computer games. When I was much younger the local Amusement Arcade was the place to be if you wanted to play games, but I always had to rely on my friends paying to include me in a two player game, often beating me because I could never afford to pay to gain the skills and experience. Sometimes I'd even go along on my own if I felt lonely just to be surrounded by the sounds of coins splashing into the shelves or the sound effects and electronic muzak of the games, along with the flashing colourful lights, with all their consumers with their backs to me. It was my first experience of 'loitering'.

Sometimes when I didn't have the money I would take the controls of some driving game and mime to it for a few seconds before it reminded me to 'Please Insert a Coin.' Yeah. For a long time I've always been deeply suspicious of men in their late thirties plus who lounge around at home playing with their games consoles for hours on end, often not shaving or changing their clothes.

BRITA WATER FILTER £14.99 FROM ASDA

I collect BRITA water filters. I like most things that look pristine and beautiful and promise to not only make your lives neat, functional and practical but also promote good health. I have a BRITA kettle which boasts the same technology as the water filters. If I had the money I'd have a spacious kitchen and own about five or six kettles of this nature. The same goes for stylish steel cutlery, toasters and kitchen appliances. It would make sense, seeing as I spend a lot of my time in the kitchen, cooking, washing, ironing and staring out the window from time to time. Indeed I dream of having a pristine, minimalish apartment with a well ordered storage facility, a spanking new computer which among the files all neatly organised and stored in easy to navigate folders, a well ordered playlist, all sequenced in various modes, alphabetically, by genre, by mood, which of course is what iTunes is more or less there for. If I could stretch the fantasy further I'd like that kind of job I could go to now and again where I felt content, not too happy that I would hate it if I was sacked nor too dull or stressful as to depress me, but a place as sterile as the supermarket in the film 'One Hour Photo' but smelled like a chemists. Since I never paid much attention to the sciences at school I guess a job in such an environment would be unrealistic.