Meet The Simm

 

I want to write about John Simm. Because he's lovely. I've followed his work for a while. I watched Sex Traffic, preferable to Human Traffic. He delivered a fantastic, loyal and honest performance in Crime and Punishment, and I enjoyed him in what I initially thought was the rather naff, Life on Mars. It's the honesty and the sensitivity he brings to many of his characters. Maybe the fact that he looks like an intellectual young offender may have something to do with it, but he's kind of gorgeous in a platonic way. I don't want to weird anyone out, and it certainly isn't my intention, but in an alternative universe, maybe a bit like the one in Life on Mars/Ashes To Ashes, I reckon John and I would have been great mates. I'm sure one of our exchanges would have been something like:

JOHN. Alright Smirnov, mate? What you been up to?

SMIRNOV. So-so. Just been to the breaker's yard, see if they have any trim for the wheel arch. You?

JOHN. My head's pretty mashed. Been reading plays all week. What you doing tonight?

SMIRNOV. I'm skint. Would have been nice to have my tea at Varsity...I can't tap you for twenty quid, can I?

JOHN. Sorry mate, I'm strapped meself. Keepin' my fingers crossed that I get the Hamlet gig.

SMIRNOV. I loved you in 'Life on Mars'

JOHN. ?...

I know. It's pretty pointless and daft having a friend who's a famous actor just to tap him for cash and say how great he was in Life On Mars.  I'm sure he would make the ubiquitos SIMS computer game franchise more exciting if all the characters were clones of him. But this old idea of mine must have been used for his role as The Master in Doctor Who, a performance I wasn't greatly keen on, mainly due to the poor writing. It's a shame that Kieslowski died before he discovered John Simm. He would have made a fetching existential Polish character. Um...that's all.

First Crush

 

Well...I was only five or six. 

Seabrooks Crisps

 

I love crisps. Can't remember the first packet I ate, probably the Golden Wonder or KP brand. There were also other brands I used to consume with my half pint of fizzy cola at the Walmsley Arms, in Wigan as a boy including Rileys, Murphy's and Wigan's own brand, Richmond Crisps. Obviously I used to eat Walkers crisps as well, they were still as ubiquitous in the 1980s. But somehow they left me slightly unsatisfied.

In the early 90s Walkers as well as other brands tinkered around with the flavours, made them less fatty and salty (marginally) and many of them lost their taste. Other brands become more prominent as well, such as Real McCoys and the delicious Brannigan's (Roast Beef and Mustard). Of course eating so called hand made, kettle fried crisps is all the rage in some parts, but I find them too expensive and hard on the gums. (Don't fear, I still have teeth) But none of them quite do it for me the way Seabrooks Crisps often do. The Prawn Cocktail have the right level of tang, the Cheese and Onion Flavour feels almost sensual on the tongue, releasing buttery, oniony and salty tings, and as for Beef, Tomato and Canadian Ham, well, what can I say? Scrumptious! Seabrooks are also aware of their own fantastic product as their quirky website reveals Here You can hand pick your own box of 48 packets for parties and the winter season if you like. (I haven't done this yet. There's a fear that the box will go to the wrong address and they'll think it's christmas and I'm aware as always that I have to watch my weight. So I try to be careful with my rations.)

During my work experience in 1988, I worked for a screen printing firm in Leigh who essentially made the boxes and packaging to hold bags of KP crisps. A driver called Frank took me with him to the KP factory in Ashby where we were amused that the place was manned with cosy looking women. Frank was an odd character anyway. If he wasn't singing to whatever was on the van radio like The Christians, he was offering me the benefit of his wordly views. 'Never swear in front of a woman,' he once said. 'What if she swears in front of you, Frank?', 'Smack her in the gob!' Charming.

I suppose there's a social aspect to crisp eating which I don't enjoy. People consume them with their beer, they crunch them in the cinemas and indulge in the rather unruly habit of munching them on the bus. At school whenever you had anything in the playground kids would form a queue, their hands held out, expecting your crisps and toffees. Maybe this was what made me eat them in secret, or contributed to my slight fear of eating in public. I don't know. Maybe it was the fact that many people can't eat them properly, without spitting bits out, or not suitably closing their mouths when devouring. Who knows? Maybe it's the sight of ugly mouths munching? Perhaps. 

But I love this brand no less.

The above artwork is courtesy of  http://www.flickr.com/photos/hwayoungjung/
You should go and visit this site for some quirky and retro designs of much loved UK brands.

This retro site has a thread about crisps  http://forums.doyouremember.co.uk/threads/2995-Crisps?p=110506

And the h2g2 site on BBC provides and enthralling History of Crisps Here

Crisps. I'm feeling peckish now.

Goldfrappuccino: Brave New World

Now this is a healthy obsession to have. Here's a pic of lovely Alison Goldfrapp. As with cappuccino, her style and sound is lovely, hot, smooth and has lots of bubbles. This could sound terribly patronising and whimsical but it's not supposed to be. I've enjoyed the music of Goldfrapp since 2000. They can do whatever they like.

Following on from classics as Felt Mountain, Black Cherry, Supernature and Seventh Tree which marries elements of JG Ballard, Barberlla The Wicker Man and John Barry comes Flight of The Navigator in a seductive clinch with Blade Runner, in the form of new album 'Head First' and new Van Halen versus Laura Brannigan, single 'Rocket'. How to make a Goldfrapp album. Throw all the above influences into a blender with Kate Bush's red shoes, some whipped cream of Oz, some sweet and sinister Brothers Grimm fairytales (I'd also add a dollop of Moomin dreams), the attitude of Studio 54, russian spies, a casino, stir in  seedy 60s peep shows and you're just about close. Pour the mixture into a skintight pair of red satin underwear, swing around for about 40 mins, and wait at the stage door to clobber Martine McCutcheon and there's your sound. Sure, Alison Goldfrapp may look  like a bored bitch who works in a sex shop in Soho but she's like a John Wyndham star child, had she had been led astray behind the bike sheds by Marlene Detritch. And she looks good riding a horse, which is important.