The Hitchikers Guide to The Galaxy has this to say about toast toppers:
I can't keep it secret anymore. The urge to tell you is too great. I'm sure it will disgust you. It kind of disgusts me but I know in my heart it's no less than what I deserve. My name is Smirnov and I love Heinz Toast Toppers. Cheese and Ham flavour to be exact. I probably had my first slice of toast with the toppers on top sometime in 1985/86. Instant cheese on toast! I felt no shame as I fed the toasted bread into my mouth and sank my teeth into the liberally applied warm, seemingly cheese and ham topping. My taste buds felt as if they'd had casual, cheap, back street sex with someone slightly attractive. Years later as my pallet marginally, only marginally became more developed, but not much more... in fact not a lot at all, I came to understand that many people didn't actually share my illicit appreciation for this snack.
I've only actually eaten toast toppers about 12 times in my life, three of them because there was no other food in the cupboard, but every time I now acquire a small tin I'm transported to being 13 again, watching Thundercats on TV, taping Euro Top 20 off the radio, having no money, but suitably having that fucked up imagination of a 13 year old who imagines he's living it up with a French Bread Pizza.
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